i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
