people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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