When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize