worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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