i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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