Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
