I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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