after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
