You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just googled if crying burns calories
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
