Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
