Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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