It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
