If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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