You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
