He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
