remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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