I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
