i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
