Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
