The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
