someone threw a dead crab at me
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
