oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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