I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
