i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
