Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize