vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
