never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
