If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize