So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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