just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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