when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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