last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
