Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
