Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
