i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize