I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
