Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
