just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
