Don't make out with my wife yet
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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