just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize