You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
