Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
