Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
