OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
