I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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