you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
