You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
