Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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