I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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