There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so let's talk penis.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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