he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
