What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
