in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
