just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So vagazzling was a success
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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