I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
