did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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