where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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