Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
