Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
