Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
