nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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