i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
