even my farts smell like vagina
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
