you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
